Tired Tired Tired

So things have really changed for me this last week and i just now realized what it was. Over the summer i used to go to bible camp, it would be a week long program where i would have 8 or so cabin mates, would play games, do organized activities, have free time, and go to chapel. Its the only other time i have ever been away from home. Coming here i realize now i had the same attitude as if i was going to camp. I was going to have room mates (cabin mates), school (chapel), time to explore Florence (free time), AIFS activites like soccer games (organized activities) my teachers are councilors, the AIFS staff is the program staff, and everyone wants to meet everyone. This is how it felt. It was go go go for the first two months, doing everything and anything possible. People were hanging out, meeting people, going to school, but in the last month everything has changed.

Now it doesn't feel like camp anymore. I know people well enough, and am used to the way of living here, that it feels like thats all i am doing: living. Its much more casual (because i can watch hours of Seinfeld and not feel like i'm missing out on priceless wonders around me) but also a lot less fun. It is a very different way of living, and i just don't know which one i like more. Before everything was an adventure. I was completely out of my element, exploring, getting lost, ect. But now i've made Florence into my element. I think i changed a lot in order to adapt to living here (specifically because i am living in the middle of a large city, something that would of been a shock no matter where, even back home). The good news is that ive learned from all of this, i've learned to take care of myself, to be comfortable in a city setting, to not need to understand everything (if anything) of whats going on around me. The good news is that, in many ways, i have made Florence mine. I will always think of Florence as home, it will be that spot i will always want to visit again; i am sure of that. But the interesting thing (and kinda bad news) is that a couple of things are missing. It feels like there is a whole inside of me. Its not painful, and its not all that horrible, but i do know that i will never really be content or happy until i fill that hole. What is it? It's simple, and can be explained in one word: family.

I miss my family like i never knew i could miss anything; it is ok, because i will be going home in a month, but if i wasn't i would not be able to stay here. But its more than just my immediate family, is my cousins, and aunts and uncles, and grandma's and grandfather's and friends. All of these are waiting back home for me, and that is such a wonderful feeling i can't express how happy that makes me. I cant wait to get back home, and i can't wait to be able to see everyone again. This hole can be filled and i know it, the only thing i don't have waiting for me back home (or here) is a girl. But i am confident that i will find one soon, i have to, i know i will never be really happy until i do.

One month left. . .